Have you ever felt bad about using the big bad B word? That is have you felt bad when you had to start Setting Boundaries? The B word as some call it can be a rough one for many of us because we don’t want to be perceived as mean, rotten, evil, selfish, (oh yeah the big S word that is sometimes sneered at us by manipulating people). There will be others’ words or tones of voice underhandedly used when others cannot get their way while taking advantage of your money, time or energy. All because you used the Big Bad B! It’s best to allow your Boundaries become your big brother! You set Boundaries to protect yourself. Let me tell you from being a recovering doormat…. this is not an especially one. It seems that as soon as you make a boundary people suddenly start asking you to cross that boundary. You get hit with it left, right and sideways.
After setting boundaries regarding no longer give away my money I was hired for an undesired job at a call center within 3 weeks. The strange thing was that I did not apply for this position and was sent to the site from an accounting temporary agency I applied for several months prior. My mistake was to accept that position thinking that I should accept any opportunity that comes to me because it brings in more money. Wrong. It wasn’t that bad of an experience personally but being terminated after five days of training was very uncomfortable. I talk to my self-worth boundary, decided what I was willing and not willing to do for money. Needless to say it really made me feel worthless for a bit and I knew I had a lot more work to do inside of me. I forgot to look at this from a larger perspective of my soul and asking myself, “how does this help me and my soul’s agenda?”
I started having people ask if they could borrow money for medical problems or ask if they could borrow money because they were overspending, could they quick pay the rent? I got another call when I picked up the tab for taking people out for dinner. Oh, my gosh it was as if everybody and their brother knew that I was not going to give away my money any more.
This is a test from the universe because it really wants to know if that’s what you really want. Are you serious about finding that boundary? How does it make you feel when you have somebody cross that boundary or you “have” to be nice. How do you handle the individual that goes off on you when you say, “I’m sorry but I cannot do that for you right now?”
When you are setting boundaries your deepest fears are may come up and you’ll be tested one way or another. How do you handle this? How do you get through this? Many of us agonize over this again and again every time a boundary or reset.
I found a simple solution …. at first, I thought this to be almost too simple in my mind. I put my hand over my heart and I tap 3 times. I say out loud staring at myself in the mirror, “I pledge allegiance to myself for which I stand.” After I say this 3 times then I say, “So shall it be.” You can state your boundary after saying I stand. It is up to you and depends on how much work you need to do with this particular boundary.
When doing this in the mirror and you can’t seem to look at yourself all the way through saying this I take a deep breath and I’ll ask yourself myself 3 times, “How would not standing in my truth affect me?” Maybe you just simply need to tweak this particular boundary.
How do you set boundaries and stick by them? Comment below.